**Warning—this one’s not a funny one!**

John and Toby went to Pennsylvania for a youth fishing day with John’s college friends and their children. It was a fantastic trip and Toby had so much fun, but one moment made my heart hurt a bit.

They woke up early on Saturday and hit the river, fishing for a while. But when I talked to them mid-morning, Toby and John were back at John’s truck, with Toby very happy and drawing away in a notebook. John said Toby was fine, but just needed a little bit of a break, and after a bit they went right back to fishing with the group. Toby had a grand time, and told us he wanted to go live with Grant (probably because he got to drive a Bobcat).

But I knew just what that interlude back at the truck was—it was Toby’s introvert needing to put a pause on all the interaction. It’s something I recognize because I check ALL the boxes on those internet ‘are you an introvert?’ quizzes. After times of social interaction, I need a check-out period to ground myself. I don’t make friends easily at all, and as I get older it gets even harder for me.

I really hoped Toby had inherited John’s easy way with people, his gregarious ‘I’ll talk to anybody anytime,’ nature. But I see a lot of myself in Toby at times—a withdrawal in new settings or with new people, a hesitancy in reaching out. He worries a lot about who his friends are at school. It concerns me, because I know that many times life isn’t easy as an introvert. It’s lonely and stressful and a constant battle.

I want better for Toby. I want him to unquestioningly believe people like him, and to not worry all the time. I want him to have lots of friends. I want him to sail through life with confidence and be sure of himself.

I know I can’t change him—he’s wired the way he’s wired, and it looks like he’s wired a bit more like me than I would have hoped. But I hope I can give him some tools to help him navigate life with that wiring. He likes tools, so hopefully along with his hammer and wrench I can figure out how to equip him with self-knowledge and coping strategies. Wish me luck! (And if anyone has great advice on how to equip him, I’d love to hear it!)